User Profile

So instead of me telling you what I'm like and what I'm about, I'll just show you. These are all actual things that I've written in my journal. It'll probably be out of context and make no sense but it's just as likely that it still wouldn't make any sense even IN context. *dreamy sigh* Ah. The beauty of randomness.


"I wish christians would lighten up a little. They just cost me some jesus hand lotion and I don't forgive not getting jesus hand lotion easily."

"I wonder if she took the lunch box with her so she'd be walking down the street with a lunch box of herself on it. That'd be cute. Then when she passed people she'd be like, "Hey, that's me right there." *and she'd point to her face on the lunch box* "Yeah, I'm on this show you know... I'm sort of a big deal actually. Ok bye!" People might think she's crazy but who cares? She's gorgeous. She can do what she wants."

"If you're like me, you may wonder if Olivia Wilde is still ridiculously good looking on a daily basis. It's a fairly common thing. Don't fear it, embrace it like I have! And to answer that question I would have to say that yes, as of right now, Olivia Wilde is still as radiant as ever. I'll sleep like a baby for days with this knowledge."

"What's even worse is that she has a really nice ass. The nicest in the whole building I bet and I can't stand her. What kind of sick joke is that? I'm blaming jesus. It's obviously a miracle gone terribly astray."

"Did they call her Stealth because she's black? Someone should clarify this for me otherwise I'm going to think they did. And as a rule, if your name is Stealth then you should wear something less shiny. With that outfit they should call her Flashlight. Or Reflective Plastic Road Marker. She should rock some camo. Or a black turtleneck because it's stealthy and slimming. But if she goes with the camo maybe she could carry a fake plastic rambo knife purely for my amusement. That'd be TIT tight. Her outfit reminds me of Star Trek or some kind of sexy space adventure that I can't really remember. *shrugs*"

"Emma Watson has a lot of classy photo shoots. She's what 18 years old in this one? What kind of photos was Lindsay Lohan taking at 18? Skanky ones? Was she even wearing underwear at the time? Unlikely."

"Older actors have played younger characters for forever. Besides, the HP actors are past puberty so most of the physical changing is done with. So they'll pretty much stay the same (except for their hair) unless they get fat. Or pregnant. Or marred by a liger."

"But my friend Carrie, who sort of knew her too, told me she wasn't a natural redhead. I wanted to ask her if this was true but there was constantly a circle of guys around her. It was like she was a vagina castle and they were her knights sworn to protect her. And maybe have sex with her. Whichever duty was needed of a knight."

"I think my eye for the gay subtext gets sharper every second. I'm like a shark now. I can sense a drop of gay subtext from across the room. I can even sense it if the room in underwater or in the ocean. Why would there be gay subtext in a room underwater? I have no idea. Why I would be there looking for it? Also, no idea. But if it was there, I'd be able to find it."

"So wait, there's aliens in the bible?! Why didn't someone tell me? It's almost starting to sound like a pretty good read. Maybe there'll be pirates in it too! Because pirate stories are always a good time. And like someone who I just made up right now used to say "A good treasure is a buried one." Then he stabbed this guy with his pirate sword for no reason whatsoever. It was awesome."

"And why are aliens included and not dinosaurs? Why isn't there a town of people that were struck down with blindness because they believed in dinosaurs? And why blindness? If I wanted to have sex with an alien, blindness wouldn't stop me. Newsflash, blind people can still have sex. Maybe even better sex because physical attraction is less dominant. If anything, blinding these people only made their hot alien sex more hot."

"I've got like a 1 inch gash on my beautiful skull. Now I may never be able to shave my head and feel sexy. Chicks dig scars though right? I should make up a cool story to go with this one. Like I was fighting jesus near a cliff and when he distracted me with a balloon animal he made me (shut up, it was intricate!), that's when he threw a first aid cabinet at my head causing the scar you see here. But just when he thought he had won, he tripped over a rock, that I had strategically put there of course, and fell off the cliff to his watery grave, leaving Brittany battered but the overall victor!"

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